Aku udah duga sih kalo Mom bakal kayak gitu. Biasanya Mom nggak pernah masuk kamar, tidur cepet sebelum jam 9. Tapi malam ini mom bahkan udah masuk kamar jam 8.30, jam 9 sudah didapati kalo mom tertidur. Ini mungkin karena aku. Pembicaraanku sore tadi.
Aku tiba-tiba saja membeberkan rencanaku pada mom dan my sista' sore tadi saat kumpul santai di ruang keluarga. Berdiskusi, mencari solusi terbaik atas apa yang sudah kurencanakan. Dan nyokap bilang oke. Mendukung apa yang sudah kususun untuk kujalani. Aku (kembali) akan pergi lagi.
Sebenarnya, aku nggak mendadak memberitahukan ini ke mom dan my sista. Aku sudah menguraikan rencanaku pada mereka sejak sekitar bulan Maret lalu. Tapi, memang belum ada waktu pasti. Sore tadi, aku meminta pendapat dari mereka, karena ada tawaran aku harus pergi pekan ini.
Aku tahu pasti, meski tadi mom bilang oke. Mendukung keputusanku, tapi aku tau masih sangat sulit untuk mom melepasku. Ia lebih senang jika aku berada di dekatnya. Karena prinsipnya, 'tempat terbaik bagi anak perempuan adalah di dekat orang tuanya.'
But mom, you know that I waited for 8 years, right? I tried to keep up with all these things here for 8 years. And you know bout me better because Im your own daughter. I cant be tied down, mom. I just cant be settled at one place without escalations. Without any improvement. I need to spread my wings and go higher.
Mom, i felt so stuck and stressed out for a long time this past 8 years. I always asked myself, what i gained? Whats my improvement? What have i done with my life? You know that as for me, my life cant be the same. I don't like when my life seems so flat. I cant live in a (normal) comfort zone as others. I love challenges. I'd love to ride my life (as) on a rollercoaster. I like feeling the up and down. And mom, don't you know, i love talking about my struggling.
So mom, try to bear with my desicion. I promise you, i may not be able to be by your side for a year. I'll be back to you after i finished it and bring the better me. Unless Allah gives me another destiny. The best for me.
You saw me through this past 8 years right? I changed mom. Im not that fragile anymore. Maybe Im still stupid sometimes, but Im stronger, independent and good learner now. I might be still greedy. But you know that I took a 'U turn' as you guided me, and i changed my direction, mom. My greediness isnt about money, career, or fame. I wont work as you asked me not to. I'll live my life as an unemployed but still happy with a lot of activities. Trust me, mom. Trust me.
Mom, i love you with all my heart. But you know, this is about my life we're talking about. So, please keep up with me.
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So much thanks to Pams. Stranger who said hi, then exchanging some english convo. And made me realize that I need to re-arrange my thought, making my desicions. Pams reminded me that it is about my life i should never neglect. Thanks Pams.
